Restaurent, with a difference

Couple of years ago, we built first floor to our bungalow. The contractor was an item. Apart from his folk toned lingo, his wisecracks used to be quite a source of entertainment for all of us in the house. Once, at his deprecatory best, he lashed out at the fashion industry players stating, 'बिगड़ी का नाम fashion', which can be loosely translated as, 'Perversion is fashion'. Such conclusive view from a practically illiterate - but undoubtedly rich - fellow, specially when he was exposed to limited fashion in this tier II city, was indeed interesting. But it did give insight to me on something.

Living in this nauseating NCR, the observation of the contractor was quite useful in visualising how hype works. People up here - and may be at other metros too - decide to do things not because of the merit but because others do it. While normally it would classify as herd mentality, it's common sense to call it to be in sync with fashion, yet repeatedly calling it doing the thing with a difference.

Following the trend, being fashionable hence, me and my dear friend have decided to open a restaurant, with difference. The restaurant will be little different from the prevalent ones. A MBA told me that businesses thrive on scarcity value. He read that in a book, of course; can common sense teach such intricate and profound principles? Now, the MBA also did tell me that it's a must to hoard one's business secrets in order to be successful. However, it's necessary make the public - no, the correct usage is prospect target customers - aware about the business to make it successful. So, we have decided to disclose a bit - a bit only, please note - about our business model.

The first thing about our upcoming restaurant is that it's upcoming. The second thing about it is that it's different. Third thing is that it will serve food. Next, it will be in a market so that patrons can visit it easily. Then, we will certainly have menu cards so that patrons can have variety to choose. Also, we will charge for the food we will serve. The beauty of out pricing is that we would offer discounts to those patrons who visit during non-eating-worthy hours, viz evening 4 to 7. But, the unique thing about our restaurant will be our food. Now again, we can't disclose much about this. However, in order to pique your - the prospect target customer's - interest we must share the nuggets of our delicious mouth watering recipes, if not entirely.

To begin with, we would be serving, strictly, the potable water - only on request, of course. For starters, there would be something. For main course, there would be something again. For dessert, there would be something, for sure. The content is not important, obviously. The real interesting thing would be, what we name it, how we package it prior to serving on the table, what - and how much - condiments we put and not to forget, the delay. The name would be - don't worry at all - the most obscure you would have heard in the history of mankind. So, you would be able to score brownie points amongst your acquaintances, easily. The packaging - be rest assured - would be out of the world. We have extremely imaginative - no, the right phrase is out-of-the-box - presentation skills. The condiments wouldn't be domestic, surely. There would be a easy to understand guide along with the recipe name, detailing the mix of condiments and preparation notes, to help you aid deciding which of the irresistible ones to order. And we indeed respect your time. We, hence, would be serving you promptly, while taking care well, that you get ample time to loosen up yourself along your guest. Regarding pricing - an irrelevant, but customary issue to mention - would be reasonable even when our established goal is to serve the top end of the market.

The aforementioned, nevertheless, is just triviality. The real uniqueness about our upcoming restaurant would be the surprise element - the one that will make it different; the one that actually fired the idea in our minds. Here it goes. We would be skipping an element or other - but exactly one, at an attempt - while serving the recipe. For instance, a chicken लबरदार may miss gravy or a mutton रोगनजोश may miss the mutton. Or say, a veg बिरयानी would miss salt or a पनीर टिक्का मसाला would miss spices. But all this would be just random. A बिरयानी may miss rice grains too on a lucky day. Or even, the fried chicken might be just boiled. This will be truly a new concept. Something never tried, never heard of. Totally out-of-the-box. Totally hot. Totally fashionable. Totally different.

Bon appétit!

The Sales and the margin

Twice in the year the shopkeepers up here decide to be benevolent to us shoppers. They open up their 'preserved' inventories to the public; at discount. People, moved by their altruism, flock the shops and 'hoard' for the lean period. One is educated that this is not to be confused with the low market clearance sale. It is, but, the sale season.

People strategies prior to these seasons; what, from where, how much to stock. The not so subtle reasoning is as follows: what is available now, might not be, next season. So, grab, as much as humanly possible. And so do people grab. They forget the grub. They ignore the drabs. They just grab; bagsful, handfuls, walletful purchases. Ladies leading the pack. Men following their footsteps, trying their level best attempt of the makeshift porter. It's actually a sight. So much for the shoppers.

But they are, but, the effect. The cause for the phenomenon is the shopkeepers. They give us onlookers - strictly onlookers - the opportunity to be privy to this modern equivalent of carnivals. The process starts with advertisements. The beginning of the season beckons from the advertisements showering from all avenues; the print, the radio, the TV and these days, even the internet. It's such a amazing feeling to see the newspapers full of advertisement! So much is available! And virtually free! At least, it is advertised so. A few samples: 'महा-loot', 'Life Time Offer', 'Knock down prices', et al. The radio gives the audio versions of the same, perhaps, to aid the visually impaired people who can't be reached with the print. The TV, however, reaches to everyone. I guess, even to the Slumdogs, and slumcats and slumrats. The impact is maximum. Indoctrinated with the luring advertisements, the audience reaches the doorsteps of the carnival.

Then the phenomenon unravels. The entire market is full of banners, posters, pamphlets and ilk, giving the final push. One can witness the mad rush. The rush for the discounts, the rush to get the best in the least, the rush to 'shoplift' before others can. The HVACs fail, the parking lots spill, the water coolers dry, but the stock in the shop remains. Amazing it may seem, but the stock gets replenished with ferocious speed than it is depleted. That's why, perhaps, it's different from the clearance sale. It's not the clearance that occurs; it's the benevolence of the shopkeeper that is showered! So the crowd flocks, shops, empties their wallet and then drops.

The carnival continues for weeks. Humungous is the appetite of the shoppers during this time. It's the miracle of marketing, perhaps, for one wonders how the shopkeeper earns his morsel during the lean period, when not even a fly gives him a darn, thanks to the squeaky clean malls. But then if he stocks all through the year and later sells at knock down prices during the carnival, how come he recovers the cost. His margins must be negative. Benevolence! The trader turns benefactor! True, this is kaliyug. Amen.